Death and Demons...
by Two Freaks
Summary: Ahem. A humor/drama fic written by two evil freaks... you get the idea. Please R&R! If you are not evil or mentally abnormal, you will not understand the humor of this story. We call it scary story not because it's scary. but because it's weird
1. Default Chapter Title

  
A/N: Okay, this was written by: Malfoy and StarEmpress, you might know us, you might not. This is probably going to turn into a series. It all depends on what the reviewers think. Actually, we're going to write this for the heck of it. But reviews are always going to be greatly appreciated! :) At first, this may seem funny. And it might seem like some intro to a sick story. Well, it's not. There is going to be a lot of angsty, serious, and depressing stuff later on. There are going to be NO, I repeat, NO sexual content. Some kissing a hugging is occasional. But that's it! The only reason why it's rated PG13, is because of some violence in later chapters. So, to sum it all up, there's going to be little (if any) sexual content. A lot of cursing, and a lot of DETAILED violence in later chapters. So, please R&R! I love reviews! They're the greatest. Enjoy! See ya later!  
  
Death & Demons...  
  
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"Damn you Potter!" Malfoy screeched.  
  
"Well, it wasn't my fault!" yelled Harry.  
  
"What do you mean it wasn't your fault!? You're the one that broke the turner that held our house points!"  
  
"It was your fault! If it weren't for you, we wouldn't be here!"  
  
"My fault-  
  
A soft 'meow' can be heard echoing through the corridors.  
  
'Uh-oh; Mrs. Norris,' Malfoy thought, he ran, leaving Harry to get in trouble.  
  
"Wha-? F*** you Malfoy!" Harry shrieked, in a high-pitched voice. But not two steps forward, he tripped with a thud.  
  
"Yes, my sweet, where is the unlucky person this time?" the voice of Filch said. Just as Harry was about to make a turn... "Stop! You filthy imbecile!" Filch sneered.  
  
Harry continued running through the halls.  
  
"Get him, my sweet!" Filch said, releasing Mrs. Norris from his hands, Mrs. Norris went kind of hysteric and ran after Harry in a superhuman speed. Filch limping after. Pounch! Mrs. Norris landed on top of Harry, pulled out her claws, and started scratching Harry with all her might!  
  
"Aaaarrrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!! Ouch! Help me!" Harry screamed. Harry's robes were shredded, and he had cuts and blood all over his body.  
  
Filch can be heard chuckling quietly.  
  
"Enough, my sweet," Filch cooed, "So, you think you can get away with it..."  
  
"Meow!" Mrs. Norris purred.  
  
"Detention for a month!" Filch spat.  
  
"But I just got scratched!" Harry argued.  
  
"Serves you right," Filch said with pride.  
  
"But-  
  
"Enough! I will have to report you to Professor Dumbledore," Filch sneered.  
  
Cursing things like F*** you and bastard, Harry followed.  
  
"Curse till your face turns blue Potter, it won't do you any good," Filch commented, and continued pulling Harry by the collar.   
  
"Gerroff me!" Harry yelled, as Filche's oily hands tucked the end of his shirt.  
  
They turned a corridor and started towards the dungeons, "But..."Harry began, "But I thought we were going to Dumbledore," Harry protested.  
  
"I changed my mind," Filch snarled, "We're going to see Professor Snape instead."  
  
Filch's cold eyes gleamed with joy as he saw the look on Harry's face. They now reached a dorr that had a feeling of foreboding.  
  
"Mudbloods stink," said Filch. The door opened and they went in. Snape was staring in the fire with a look of loathing, but his face was contorted when he saw Potter.  
  
"So," he hissed, "What has famous Potty done this time?" Snapes's voice was extremely dangerous.  
  
"Wrecked the turner that contained the Slytherin house points," Filch said at once, with a look of seeting joy.  
  
Harry could see Snape's eyes contort with pure anger.  
  
"Well, well, well," Snape said, "You should be punished severely... 1000 points from Gryffindor. And I'm sure Filch has already given you detention..."  
  
"For a month," muttered Harry.  
  
"Good," Snape sneered, "But now, we will have to report you to the headmaster."  
  
"What?!" Harry shrieked.  
  
"Let's go," Snape said, as he dragged the petrified Harry out of the room.  
  
Before he knew it, Harry was in front of the gargoyle.  
  
"Fizzy Whizbees," Snape grunted.  
  
The ugly, stone gargoyle became alive, and stepped aside, revealing a wooden entrance door.  
  
They walked up the spiral staircase, leading to Dumbledore's office.  
  
A hoarse cough was audible in the from the old office.  
  
"Yes," the weary, old man said.  
  
"Professor Dumbledore," Snape said, "I'm here to report Mr. Potter's detention, but he has also broken an ancient object, and I don't know how you would want to punish him. He has broken several school rules. 1) He was yelling in the hallways. 2) He broke the Slytherin turner. 3) He tried to run from the caretaker... 4-"  
  
"Ah! That's enough!" Dumbledore shrieked, suddenly sounding unlike himself.  
  
Harry's face controted with a weird expression.  
  
"Uh... Professor? Are you feeling all right?" Harry asked.  
  
"Silence!!" Dumbledore screeched.  
  
Harry was a taken back.  
  
"So, you have broken the turner... Did you know that it is a priceless, ancient artifact that was over 1000 years old?! Created by the great Slalazar Slytherin himself?!"  
  
"I-  
  
"Expulsion!" Dumbledore screamed.  
  
"What?! Professor-you can't-  
  
"I believe that I'm in charged here," Dumbledore said sternly.  
  
Snape, somehow looked mildly surprised.  
  
"Professor-don't you think-  
  
"As I said, I'm in charge here. Potter, you move out of here. I never want to see you again! Humiliation!" Dumbledore said dramatically.  
  
Harry then did the manly thing... Harry started to cry. He realized for the first time that he actually liked to cry! So, he cried even harder!  
  
Snape had a disgusted look upon his face. Dumbledore, however, looked as though he was about to faint.  
  
"Shut up boy!" yelled Snape.  
  
Harry was now choking between sobs.  
  
"Bu-but-now... I-I-can't graduate-and... and-  
  
"Well, too bad," Dumbledore hissed.  
  
Harry sniffed. "But-I... Waaaaaa!" Harry started to cry again. He couldn't help it. He was going to live with the Dursley's. Dudley and his parents will humiliate him for being kicked out! He was an outcast! That's only if they let him stay with them... probably not. Who was going to hire a Hogwarts drop-out?!?!?! Nobody!   
  
"Now, GET OUT OF HERE!" Dumbledore screeched.  
  
Harry knew there was no use arguing. So he sert a venomous glare at Dumbledore.  
  
"You'll pay, Dumbledore," Harry hissed, "Oh well, at least it was the end of seventh year when I got expelled... But still... I won't forget this..."  
  
Harry stomped out of Dumbledore's office.  
  
Dumbledore sneered.  
  
Snape looked at him oddly, "Professor, are you feeling are right?"  
  
"Splendid. Now, leave!"  
  
Snape looked offended, and headed out.  
  
Dumbledore headed back to his bedroom... He pushed the door open.  
  
"Ha Ha Ha!" Dumbledore said out loud.  
  
He then looked like he was going through a weird mutation, his silver beard was no longer there, his gentle eyes were replaced by a lifeless pair of red slits like the one of a snake. Instead of Dumbledore... Lord Voldemort stood on the velvet carpet.  
  
"Bwahahahahahahaha!" Voldemort screeched.  
  
He turned around, and looked on the floor, laid limp on the sanguineous carpet, was no other then Professor Dumbledore... dead.  
  
"Polyjuice Potion is amazing, don't you think?" Voldemort sneered, "This is only the beginning..."  
  
  
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A/N II: Me (StarEmpress) is going to be typing this, so I can type whatever I want, and my friend (Malfoy) has no control over me, so.... ::sticks tongue out at Malfoy:: Anyway, this was short... but it's an intro, so what do you expect?!?! It was weird, yes, I agree with you. Sometimes Malfoy and I scare our own selves. We are two weird, insane girls... ::shakes head gravely::  
  
Disclaimer: Draco Malfoy (he's always going to come first, cause we love him). Lord Voldemort (he's always coming second, unless Lucius shows up in the story). Severus Snape, Filch, Mrs. Norris, Salazar Slytherin, Hogwarts, Dumbledore, and Harry Potter (he's always going to come last, cause we hate him); all belong to Joanne Rowling, Bloomsbury, Scholastic, and Warner Bros. No infringement intended.  
  
A/N III: Please review! We can't say that enough times! What's so hard about reviewing?!?! I don't really care if you flame or if you compliment. Just write a review! Flames and Criticism are also going to be appreciated. Anyway, comments, questions, blackmail, threats, requests, or if you just hate us, and want to annoy us... please put them all in your review. Or just send them via e-mail, to either: Sleekysilver@yahoo.com (Malfoy's e-mail address) or StarEmpress@owl.harrypotterfans.com (StarEmpress's e-mail address), and there is a 99.9% chance that we will reply, the other tenths of percent, are only if you leave a false e-mail address, or if it was a rhetorical e-mail. Okay, see y'all later! Bye! Review!   



	2. Default Chapter Title

Author's note: You might want to read the first part before you read this. I'm warning you, you have to be extremely weird and evil to understand the humor of this. My friend StarEmpress has no control over me because I'm typing this...Bua ha ha.  
  
  
Disclaimer: Draco Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy, Voldemort, Hermione, Ron, and Harry all belong to the great J.K. Rowling.  
  
Death and Demons-Part Two  
  
  
  
  
Author, for those of you that have read this...Three years later.  
  
'Come, my Death Eaters!" Voldemort screeched. 'It is time to rule the world!"  
A loud eruption of laughter emitted from the large, stone chamber. "But first...Potter." Voldemort stated. A loud commotion was heard among the Death Eaters.  
  
  
"Get out of here, you stupid prat!" Said the bartender. "Come on! Just one more drink? Begged Harry. "You heard me, no money, no drink! Get out of here!" The bartender screamed. "But..."Began Harry. "Security!" Yelled the bartender. Harry was dragged out of the pub by two security trolls. They threw him out of the pub with a thud. "Umph!" Cried Harry in pain, clutching his bruised elbow.  
  
"My god Harry!" Someone yelled. A red haired, well-dressed man (Ron) ran over to Harry. "Are you all right?" Asked the red haired man. "Oh yes, I'm perfectly dandy." Harry said sarcastically. 'No time for sarcasm, let's go." The red haired man commented. He helped Harry up, and with a flash, they dissaparated... What they didn't know was that around the corner, a hooded man was staring at their every move. When Harry and the red haired man left, the hooded man followed.  
  
"Ah..."Harry sighed, falling on to the couch and pitting an ice pack against his elbow. "You deserved it." The red haired man commented. " Shut your (censored) (censored)!" Harry shouted. The red haired man just blinked casually. " Just wait until Hermione hears about this..." The red haired man said cautiously. " Hermione..." Harry said drunkenly. "What?" Hermione said as she entered the room. "Baby. Come over here." Harry said dreamily. "What on earth are you talking about!?" Hermione said. "He's drunk." The red haired man informed. "No, I'm not drunk." Harry said while attempting to stand up. "I'm awake as ever." "Yeah, sure you are." Hermione said sweetly, helping Harry sit back down. Damn it! The red haired man thought, she still likes Harry, and not me! He had missed the sarcasm in Hermione's voice. "Hermione..."Harry repeated, grabbing Hermione's hand. "Come on...You know you want me..."Harry said drunkenly. "Er..."Hermione began, for she had no idea what Harry had meant. Harry now pulled Hermione on to the couch. "What the devil do you think you're doing!" Hermione screeched, shaking Harry off. "But baby, don't you love me?" Harry muttered in a dramatic tone. " You're drunk," Hermione said definitely. "I am not! Now what do you say we go to my bedroom?" Harry said sexily... well, attempting to say it sexily. "What!? How dare you! Hermione yelled. PPOOOOWWWWW!!!!!!! Hermione punched Harry in the face as hard as possible. Harry looked dazed for a moment falling on to the ground and fainting. The red haired man just watched.... Stunned by the fact that Hermione could get so angry with a drunken man. "Wow..." Was all the red haired man could say. "Humph" Hermione scoffed, and headed toward the door. ""Tell Mr. Sexual that I don't ever want to see him again until he decides to become free from alcholhal for once and get a real job!" BAM! Hermione slammed the door shut with such force that the door fell of it's hinges! "Wha-"The red haired man said, shocked. After a few minutes he finally came back to his senses. "WAIT! You expect ME to take care of this piece of crap!" The red haired man yelled. His voice full of disgust.  
  
Hermione ran out of the apartment building, she was planning to go see Draco, cause she had a date with him. "Draco!" Hermione said tearfully, running in to Draco's arms. "What" What's wrong?" Draco said worriedly. "It's...it's Harry. He tried to make move on me...again!" Hermione said, half-angry, half tearfully. "What! That little (censored) bastard! When I get my hands on him..." Draco did a homicidal impression of a murderer with his hands. "NO! No Draco...he's my best friend after all..."Hermione said. "Best Friend!? How can you call him your best friend!?" Draco yelled. "SHHHH! Don't talk about that! It's very rare that we get to have some time alone, with your father spying on you and all." Hermione said sweetly, this time genuine.  
  
They said nothing for a while. They just there, letting the wind breeze in their faces. "Well..."Draco finally said. "I have to tell you something." "Yes?" Hermione said. "I'm going to have to go away for a couple of years." "But..." Hermione began. "Don't you love me? Why are you leaving me?" Hermione now had tears streaming down her face. "I have to do this. And of course I love you. It's just that I have something I must do that is going to take while." Draco said sadly. Hermione sniffed and laid her head on Draco's chest. "Promise me...you'll come back." Hermione sniffed. "Of course I will..." Draco whispered. "You know I will. But Draco didn't tell Hermione that when he came back, he would be a dark wizard. Hermione, Draco thought. Please forgive me... "I have to go now." Draco finally said. "Bye..." Hermione whispered as a tear flowed down her cheek. Like that, Draco left  
  
Two years later...  
(Author, 'kay, let me fill you in at what has happened in the past two years. Harry is high on drugs (muggle drugs). Ron owns a pub, and Hermione is extremely rich from stock and the ministry.  
  
"Oh no..."Harry said. He didn't have enough money to buy some drinks and drugs. "Yo Ron!" "What!" Said an irritable Ronald Weasly. "If you're thinking about asking me money to buy your damn drugs...the answer is no." Ron said firmly. "But Ron..." Harry began. "Shut the %^*# up!" Ron yelled. "Come on, just one gall?" Begged Harry. "No." "Plea-" "Get the hell out of here!"   
  
Harry sighed, and left. He started walking towards a pub but he then thought of Hermione. Instead of heading towards the pub, he went towards Hermione's mansion. Ding-dong. A butler opened the door. He looked at Harry's dirty clothes and said, "Master does not allow beggars in the house." "But-" "You shall leave at this moment or else I will have no choice but to call security." "I'm Hermione's friend, you know, the great Harry Potter..." Harry said, trying to convince the butler. The butler looked at Harry in disgust. 'How dare you call the mistress by her former name!?" The butler yelled. "But-" Harry shook his head, "Just let me talk to her." The butler's eyes widened to the shape of dinner plates in rage. "If you think I will let you harass the mistress, you are most certainly wrong!" The butler screamed. He dropped the towel he was holding, and took out a gun, pointing it at Harry's chest (The butler was a squib). But Harry was quicker, "STUPEFY!!!" Harry yelled at the top of his lungs. The butler froze at the spot. His body stopped moving, but he continued to scream a series of curse words at Harry. "Carson, what's wrong?" Yelled a female voice from behind. "Mistress, RUN! There's a madman, Run mistress!" The butler screamed. "What in the world are you talking about!? Yelled Hermione hoarsely, who had finally come in to view. "Hermione!" Harry yelled. "Who...who is this?" The butler demanded. "This, is my old friend...Harry Potter." Hermione sneered. OLD!?!?!?!? Harry thought. "Ennervate." Hermione said simply. Carson's muscles relaxed, and he had full control of himself again. "Not your usual self, eh? Picking on squibs and all. I thought you were POWERFUL. I thought you were more egotistical than that...but I guess I was wrong." Hermione said lazily, slowly walking towards Harry. "Well, I didn't know he was a squib." Harry said cheerfully (like Bagman), not expecting to be screamed at. "Well!? Why did you think he was holding a gun!!!!!!? Hermione retorted. Harry fell backwards in surprise. Hermione's face suddenly changed in to a sad expression. She reached out a hand to help Harry up. Harry looked at her uncertainly, then after a few seconds, took her hand.  
  
Once Harry stood up, Hermione began dusting Harry's worn-out, mothcoat. "I'm sorry." Hermione said kindly. 'It's just that I've been having some problems." Hermione smiled sweetly, Harry, relieved, smiled back weakly. "Erm...yeah. What's been going on?" Harry asked uncertainly. "Um...nothing much." Hermione said sweetly. 'Um...cool then, um...can I borrow a couple of galleons? You know, cause we're friends and all." Harry said happily. Hermione was massaging Harry's shoulder the whole time, but when she heard what Harry said, she dropped her hands. Her face contorted with a weird expression. She looked like she was going to mutate in to a vampire or something. Her faces and eyes that were full of make-up began twitching madly.   
  
Don't you dare ever say the word in this house again! She shrieked. "What word? Harry said innocently. "The G word you idiot!" She sneered. Harry was terrified at what money had turned the once sweet Hermione in to. (Actually, it was because of Draco, but Harry didn't know that) Hermione kicked Harry in the ribs. Harry screamed, his bones were already very weak from using drugs, imagine how weak they'll get when they just hot kicked.  
  
"Oomph!" Harry cried. He clutched his stomach in pain. His weak abdomen twisting in his side. 'That was nice..." Harry said sarcastically, forcing a smile.   
  
Ten minutes later, Harry was on a dark road, walking by himself, still clutching his stomach. He was sweating madly from lack of cocaine, and shaking like mad. A shadowed man in a dark cloak suddenly popped out of nowhere.   
  
Harry didn't notice the man, so he continued to walk around grudgily until he bumped in to the man. Harry's glasses fell off his face. "Oy...'Harry moaned, attempting to search for his glasses. "Hey you." The man said in a deep voice. "What!" Harry asked confused, squinting up at the man in the dark black robes. "Do you need some of your filthy crap?" The man took out a clear tube that was filled with cocaine. Harry made a grasp but missed. 'I'll only give it to you if you join the dark side." The hooded man said stiffly. Harry looked longingly at the tube and nodded.  
  
Harry's eyes were staring hungrily at the tube. He reminded the hooded man of a dog...a filthy dog. 'Why in the world would master want this piece of filth?' The hooded man wandered. 'I'm 100x more richer and well groomed than this piece of junky crap.' The hooded man thought. "Now...can you...give me...it?" Harry panted. The hooded man had a disgusted look on his face, and threw the tube down at Harry's feet. Harry immediately fell on to his knees...inhaling the cocaine with such welcoming that it was like heaven. "Ahhh..."Harry sighed. "Much better." The hooded man smirked. "Come!" He ordered. "To where? Harry asked. "To the master of course." The hooded man said impatiently. "Okay, but he will supply me with more of this, right?" Harry asked, pointing to the tube. 'What do you think...bastard?' The hooded man thought. "Of course." The hooded man said reassuringly. The hooded man then grabbed Harry and apparated him to a dark dungeon. The dungeon was very, very cold. The walls were made out of black stone, and the ground of hard cement. The ceiling was very low, probably no higher than 6 ft. Water could be heard echoing through the room. Petrified screams of anguish reached through the ears of the two men. Ropes slashing were heard whipping on the human skin.   
  
"What is this place?" Asked the terrified Harry. "This, my friend, if the house of Lord Voldemort." The hooded man sneered; Harry's mouth dropped open. "Lor-Lord?" Harry gulped. "Lord you-know-who? Then...then, what are we doing here, let's get out of here while we still can!" Harry stumbled around, knocking in to different walls because he was practically blind without his glasses. The hooded man sighed in exasperation. 'This is the person that defeated Lord Voldemort so many times!?' The hooded man asked himself. Harry bumped in to another wall, and his nose started to bleed. "Urgh..." Harry moaned. The hooded man just stared at him in disgust. 'Ahem!" The hooded man cleared his throat. "Huh?" Harry asked stupidly. "Patch you clothes, we're about to meet the master." The hooded man said. "You...you mean Vol-Voldemort? Harry gasped. "No, I mean the muggles, of course I mean Voldemort you hobo!" The hooded howled. '"You-mean-the-the-"Harry was cut short, his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he collapsed with a thud.  
  
"Not again..." The hooded man moaned. He made another bottle of cocaine out of thin air, he didn't know how to use it, since it was a muggle drug (Yes, in me and my friends world, wizards use muggle drugs), the hooded man just sprinkled it all over Harry...like snow. Harry coughed, then immediately sat up and sniffed the air. "Ahhh..." Harry was satisfied, so he stood up. The sweet mother of pearl, Harry thought when he smelled the cocaine. The hooded man just gave Harry a look that could make a pig sick. For the first time, Harry sensed that the hooded man didn't seem to like him, and looked away. "Well, where is this master of yours?" Harry said, no longer afraid. "Our master." Corrected the hooded man. "What ever." Harry said simply. "WHAT EVER!?!?!?" Exploded the hooded man. "This is the master we're talking about, he is worth much more than a whatever. You should watch your manners when talking about master." The hooded man squawked. Harry was shocked by the fact the hooded man took the word whatever so seriously.   
  
The hooded man was still fuming with anger, but he had calmed down slightly now. "Follow me." The hooded man said. Harry followed the hooded man down a narrow corridor until... "Argh!" The hooded man screamed as he clutched the top of his left arm in agony. "My master needs me." He panted. "What?" Harry asked stupidly. "I didn't hear him call you." "No! You imbecile! The dark mark!" The Hooded man screeched. Harry now knew that the hooded man was a death eater.   
" Oh...that, I forgot." Harry said. Suddenly, a maniac smile spread over the death eater. "That reminds me, I forgot." The death eater said. He took out his wand and performed a spell on Harry's left arm. Harry winced in pain. When he rolled up his sleeve, he had a smoking dark mark.  
  
Harry's jaw dropped from shock and pain. "Wha-wha-wha-wha." Harry stuttered. "THIS! Is the all mighty dark mark!" The death eater said proudly. Harry just stared in awe and terror. "Now come, it is time to meet the master." The death eater said truimphly. Harry began making squeaky sounds like a mouse. "Shut up already! I'm trying to hear the master!" The death eater said irritably. Harry continued to make the squeaky sounds, just a little softer. The death eater rolled his eyes, and touched the dark mark. "Master...Your new servant."  
  
  
Ha ha, I made it a cliffhanger, and my friend has NO control over me! Bua ha ha! She made me type this. Just in case you were wondering, the hooded man was Lucius Malfoy.   
  
  



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